yesterday was a bad day.  not as far as my diet (monday was the bad day for that) but as far as my morale. 

monday i was just a little tooooo eager to taste those mashed potatoes i made.  that resulted in the low morale yesterday.  for the first time in three weeks the number on the scale had actually gone up.  stayed the same i could have delt with, but up?  i kept wondering what the point was.  i mean, why make myself suffer so much when one little stray can have more negative effect than a day of behaving perfectly.  i kept wondering if i should just give up.

but give up and be where?  fat and unhappy.  sick of buying big clothes and sick of not liking what i see in the mirror.  yeah.  dieting sucks.  it really really really f*ing sucks.  but so does being fat. 

and why not keep trying just for a while longer.  i mean, i didnt put all this weight on in a day or a week or a month...so why shouldnt it take a little time in order to take it off.  yeah, i screwed up.  but yesterday i behaved and the number on the scale was back in line today.  and if i behave today, maybe tomorrow i'll actually smile when i get on the scale.  and if not tomorrow...there is always next week, and next month. 

its just a matter of not giving up.  which, like everything worth doing...is a lot easier to say then it is to do.