August 2010 Blog Posts

We' just got a letter, from the Copley Art Association, Angelo's art has gone succesfully through the preliminary round.  Can you believe that my "fat" picture is a fine oil painting? I'm walking to my Weight Watchers meeting.  It's hot and I really wished I didn't have to go.  I'm just telling everybody, I'm leaving right now. 

Oh yes! Me, too!  I also eat for comfort, even when I'm not hungry.  Last night we were watching a silly movie, it's supposed to be scary, Afterlife, but it turned out to be just silly.  There's a scene, though, where Liam Neeson, whom I adored at some point, looks just plain old.  I started worrying about my own old age and my own old looks.  I asked Angelo:  If I ever turn into an old lady, will you still love me?  And he said:  You are already an old lady, that's what I like about you.  It was the...

It hasn't got away, the feeling of being fat.  Last night we went to a wedding and I wore a pretty size ten top and stockings with hight heels.  I have not worn high heels is years, because I'm afraid to twist my ankles.  This time I've even danced!  I ate the salad with no dressing and I played with the main course,.  Drank only water with ice.  I just read INGEARS's blog.  I soooooooooo relate.  I was raised very religiously myself and grew up with the code of modesty.  Being thin is a matter of identity, goes beyond looks.  Eating carelessly...

Does it ever happen to you, that even the scale stays in the same number, you feel fatter than usual?  I woke up this morning with the nagging feeling of being overweight.  My upper arms feel too cushiony, my torso, covered with soft rolls, my belly, popped out like a ball.  Usually, when I have a fat beginning to the day, I skip breakfast,  I can go all the way until 2, without eating, just drinking black coffee.  But then, at sunset, forget it, I swallow enough calories to feed a family. So this morning, despite my fat feelings, I ate...

Good news:  We can do it.  Real news:  It's for life.  I'm feeling really optimistic about this whole deal because now I have the right information:  I'm not here while I loose weight, I'm here (meaning I'm ready and willing to do what it takes) for as long as I want to keep it off.  I never, ever want to go down from 172.2 pounds to 158.8, as the scale at Weight Watchers registered last Monday.   I'm reading everything that I can find related to emotional overeating.  I read this literature, related to the model of Alcoholics Anonymous, instead these groups...

It's another day, the Sabbath, thank G'd, I slept 6 hours and woke up cranky and confused, but not full of food! Last night after I wrote my blog, I e-mailed my weight loss buddy who lives in Italy.  That seemed to work because the sugar craving subsided.  I had a glass of cold tea instead and went to bed.  I don't do very well in summer.  I retain a lot of water, the brightness gives me headaches and it's just too hot.  I can't wait for the weather to cool off.  Have a thin day!

It's a little past one in the morning and I can't sleep.  My mind keeps telling me that if only I could have some butter sugar cookies with a lot of whole milk I could sleep.  I had 2 high fiber granola bars and I feel like eating icecream.  It's not even hot! People are beginning to notice my weight loss and sometimes it feels good to be acknowledge and sometimes it feels like intrusion.  I know I'm tired.  Why can't I just fall asleep?

    I've read at least 12 books on emotional eating by now.  It seems to be working because for the last four days I've been eating 4 small, balanced, wholesome, nutritious meals a day and I'm not hungry!  I'm not even craving sugar or sleepy and grazing at night.  The most important part:  I'm LOOSING WEIGHT!     I've been hungry all my life, mainly because I denied myself from real food.  I've spent at least 40 years eating here and there and everywhere, without any kind of plan, balance or awareness of my real needs.  I can spend ten days in...

But not hungry!  Had a good day and my beautiful scale said 157.6 this morning.  Oh! Life is good if I keep loosing weight! Good night, pleasant skinny dreams everybody. 

It's the end of a good day, not a cloud in the sky.  I went to my Weight Watchers meeting, another pound left my body.  Some neighbors came to visit and ask about Angelo's art.  Did I mention that he painted two portraits of me, and that I'm ten pounds lighter in the second one!  The first one is Spring, and I weigh 172 pounds.  It's my picture on this website.  The second one is Summer and I'm walking wearing a floaty red dress.  Life is good!  Don't eat if you're not hungry!

I just read sixbells blog, about extinction. The way that I see things, that'll be a first step for me.  Then I have to practice substitution, since the thought became a mood, and the mood needs an outlet. That's why I'm hungry all the time, because eating has been the outlet for my every single mood in the rainbow.    Take yesterday, for example.  I went to the store to get my new phone.  There are at least 20 different phones and at least 8 plans.  I get anxious.  I can afford all of them, but I want the maximum service for the least money.  What...

New way of life:  Everytime I feel like eating, I come to the screen and make a contact.  Is it food that I crave?  If I connect with someone who's struggling as I am, will that fill my empty stomach?  It just happened, my belly is full with someone else's struggle!  Thank you 6bells! I'm going to the store to get my new phone, because it is tax free day, and because I'm planning to get busy texting and talking on the phone, instead of snacking my way to  self hate. 

I just read sixbells blog, about the choice of someone who is in a gas chamber.  That is exactly what is working for me today!  I can't be on a diet anymore, they stopped working! Overall, when I finally stopped hating my size, shape, looks, I started loosing the weight.  I'm here for life.  It's like wanting your hands to be manicured at all times, you have to do them over again and again and again.  Same with the food intake, (not diet).  See my picture?  That's me at my heaviest.  172.8 glorious pounds.  Angelo took that picture, decided that...

Two invites: Sunday for brunch and late movie night with dinner.  I can't undue my success, on Wednesday night I wore my tiny jeans to meet with Angelo's friends.  Yesterday my weight loss buddy Joanna and I went to the supermarket to buy our groceries for the week.  It was fun! She introduced me to a granola chocolate bar that is only 1 Weight Watcher point, and sugar free jello, 0 points.  Last night I put together a low fat sugar less chocolate explosion: a high fiber chocolate muffin, a chocolate granola bar, a sugar free fat free chocolate pudding...

.  I went to my Weight Watchers meeting last night and it turns out that I lost 2.2lbs.  That makes a total of 11.8!  Now, it shows, because I'm not that tall.  My friend Jenniffer came back from Italy, complaining that she ate too much and that she might need to join me and loose some weight.  I saw her this morning and she is as skinny as usual.  Two pounds.  That's how much weight she gained after two weeks of pasta and gelato.  Two pounds. Trust me, I can gain a pound a day effortlessly, not even trying. I'm...

I just had breakfast, nonfat youghurt, bran cereal and slices of pineapple.  It was two cups worth of volume.  Why do I want to keep eating?  I understand in my head that it is a nutritious, wholesome meal.  I understand it has enough calories to satisfy my needs.  But I want more!

I've been fat and I've been slim.  At my biggest,  193 lbs.  At my smallest, 80. (I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa).  The scary thing is that at 80, I wanted to weigh 75, I looked myself in the mirror, and I was "fat" to my eyes! So, it is no surprise that this morning, when I stepped up at the scale, and I read 159.6 I didn't like the result.  It seems to me that I lost the capacity to be satisfied with my weight, size, shape, looks.  What else am I going to do?  Go back to the cookies...

So the scale told me this morning 159.8!!!  Can you believe this?  It's like my body refuses to leave this weight, no matter what I do!  It's been five weeks.  Still, when I started, I was 171.8, so I won't complain.  I'm wearing a sleevless dress, fit, not baggy, I don't feel like a movie star, but I can handle it. Frenzy2323, Oh!  I know exactly how you feel!  Me, too. It we'll take us a while to go back to a comfortable size, but we'll do it.  Just keep trying, don't loose sight of your goal.  Everybody, have a beautiful,...

It happened!  Finally the scale is moving again!  I had been in this plateau that lasted A MONTH!  I was jumping out of my skin!  But I didn't give up and kept doing the program and this morning, finally, the scale said 158 instead of 160....  Oh!  I'm happy and optimistic!  I'll let it stick for a week though, before I register it.  As I was telling my Weight Loss Buddy on the phone, loosing it is the easy part.  Keeping it lost, well, that's different.  Thanks a lot to everybody who is posting, thanks Ariana for the idea of...

I experienced a small miracle!  About an hour ago I wanted to eat soooooooo badly.  And I was not really hungry, couldn't be, since I had dinner, a good, wholesome, nutritious and balanced one.  But I wanted to eat, and keep eating....  So, instead, I called my weight loss buddy.  We chat a little and made plans to go for a long walk.  When I was done talking to her, I didn't feel the hunger anymore!!!!!!! IT WORKS!! 

I went to my Weight Watchers meeting last night and I stayed the same, 162.  I'm just a little dissapointed, but not discouraged.  I'll get there, and once I get there, I;ll stay there, which is the most difficult part. This is my plan for this week: 5 Weight Watchers points for breakfast, lunch and dinner. 5 points for snacks. 2 meetings this week.  2 walks everyday.  2 posts on this blog everyday. A gallon of water a day. My love to Miffy91.  Girl, you'll have many more boyfriends in your life.  And sometimes you have to be cruel to be...

    I don't count calories, it drives me nuts.  I do the Weight Watchers thing, so I count points.  To make it as simple as possible, I do three nutritious, wholesome meals a day, 5 points each.  That leaves a lot of room for snacks in between.     I decided that I'd better stay away from cookies.  This is what happens:  I eat one bad cookie, a cheap one, like the Oreo kind.  After I ate three or four, I think that if I'm going to eat cookies, might as well eat the quality kind.  So I go to some...

    Is it just me, or we never have anything to wear?   I'm about to leave to meet with friends and I changed four times.  It's a totally casual event, nothing fancy, but I don't like the way I look.     I'm walking a few blocks and I feel totally self conscious.  Vulnerable. 

   When did it start?  The hunger?  I was conceived on the back seat of a beige Chevy.  My mom was hungry and my dad have had a few drinks.  After I was invited to life, my parents (of blessed memory) went to the bakery and feasted on pastries.     So there, I've been hooked since conception. When I was a a teenager, we used to go to this doctor.  He gave us a diet and some pillls, we never asked what they were, and yes, I lost 20 pounds.  I was a size seven, for what seemed like a beautiful...

     August!     If you ever wanted to do something on the summer of 2010, this is it!!!     It seems to me that a big chunk of my life has been consumed with the desire to be thin.  My mom, G'd bless her memory, was an amazing fashion designer.  I learned how make beautiful clothes for others. I was never model material.     The first time I came to this country I was nine years old and I spent a couple of weeks in Disneyland.  When I came back home, my mom was absolutely horrified with my looks, since I...