DIET AMBIVALENCE and MUSICAL CHAIR FAT

Has this ever happened to you?  You are plugging along on your diet or trying to plug along..and you lose some weight but instead of being happy about it--for some strange reason, you are frustrated, or even resentful or downright angry or perplexed?

I am talking about my weigh in for the challenge today (see the message boards under challenges for big loser)  I was at 191.5 and today I am at 190.5. But the thing is...I have never done so much to net so little in such an amount of time.

What do I mean by that?  Well back in November 2011, I had a plan.  I would diet right after Thanksgiving, then let up for Christmas, jump right back on after the New Year and be at around--I don't know--185 or so by the middle of February.

Right now in seeing how long it took me to get from 203 to 190.5--that is not going to happen any time soon.

I'm not a naysayer.  I try to be pragmatic.  Never mind I feel that sometimes both my body and my mind are inhabited by some kind of body snatcher.

What I mean is this--I measured myself about a week ago and my hips were down to 41.5 inches and my boobs were at 41 and my calves and ankles had gone down and my weight was at about 194--only to commit to this mega walking program and have my hips measure in at 44 inches (or maybe 43.75 If I cheat and squeeze, my boobs at 39 inches, my calves at 16.5 which is 1 inch MORE than they were last week, and my ankles are still the same.

WHAT GIVES with this musical chair FAT?

One minute the boobs are bigger then the hips then as if trying to find a home that both my body and I can live with the fat that was around my hips migrates up and the fat around my ankles migrates down or up with weird fat blobs appearing in areas that were not inhabited even last week--and HOW can that be when the *&^%$#@! scale shows a loss?  WTF?

I can't help but think about the fact that after a 10 mile walk this morning, THIS is what I am greeted with--They say when people have lipo all the fat cells are moved out of their body whereever they have lipo --never to return and as a result, people tend to get new fat in weird places when they gain weight again.

Well, I have NEVER had lipo and I'd like to know what are these new "fat pads" that seem to be in front of my shins?

..and what about my arms.  I don't need larger bat wings but yep--I was a 12.5 and now I am an impressive 14.0.  I am not trying for she-man biceps, thank you.

And what about this weird thing going on in my back.  Back fat?  How weird is that when the area measuring around my rib cage is only 34 inches. What the hay?

So I've got mixed joy/love/happiness for what my scale is saying--I want it all.  If I have lost weight--is it too much to ask that not only the scale demonstrate it--I do not want stealth fat showing up in other areas of my body.

Because it is not as if my body plans to really lose the weight or toss the fat--it is hoping to relocate it to a place that I will not object to as much.  I'd like to find out who or what part of me is in charge of this fiasco and kick its ass.  Seriously.  I think about all the walking--all the miles and you know what I feel?  tired.  Not really from the miles but from the idea that so much produced so little in results.  I used to not even exercise--just do a little Atkins or Protein Power and maybe my firm videos and 2 months later--back in that 8 or 10.

this old age stuff sucks a big weenie.  Truly and this incremental snail weight loss while my fat plays games and redistributes itself fools no one.

Yes I am ranting and YES I know I got off the diet last week--but still--WHY Show a loss?  It is like being taunted by my fat.  Who took over my body? I want it back!!!!  And I am tired of eating on diets and walking my ass off only to find my ass has relocated to my face.  LOL  Now there is a thought.

Okay--the good news--I am at 190.5 which means I lost 1 pound from the other day when I thought I was on a low carb plateau and I did it by briefly changing my diet to another totally different kind of diet   (NO I do not do extreme stuff like enemas, or pills or diet drinks , etc)  this was just changing up how I eat.

So I guess I could and should focus on that--I just hate that this is dragging on and on and on and on.  Yes I know I said it was a lifestyle--but I actually still see these days as a sort of prison--when I finally "live" my life, I will be able to wear my favorite clothes again--until then  I am doing a sort of penance and okay--I can accept that--but for the love of Betsey--uhm Johnson...can we at least have the fat leave the building instead of hanging around like some homeless bums? 

What does a girl have to do to let this stuff know she is no longer interested?

I am hoping to get into the 180s next week--maybe I will feel better--1 whole freaking month to get out of the 190s--keep in mind that on 12/18/2011,    I weighed 194 so the stir crazy feeling is not totally unjustified--I just gained a lot during Christmas --the times of cookies, rich gravies and all out gluttony.

Oh well.  Guess I should stop complaining.  at least the scale moved downward  despite my shortcomings--I just wish my fat would stop trying to migrate--it is not fooling me one bit.

posted @ Friday, February 3, 2012 2:36 PM

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